Whether you are in panic mode, checking the death toll daily and freaking out about the news, or on the other extreme, if you are ignoring the news and partying like it's the end of the world, we all have one question in common: how do we get past this crisis and get back to "normality"?
Mistress says: Keep Calm & Kink ON!
While we are all at risk of contracting COVID-19, elderly people, people with pre-existing medical conditions, and poor state of health are more vulnerable to getting seriously ill. The current panic is partially because of the speed of contagion and partially because we know that Humanity is not in the best state of health. Scientific studies have proven the benefits of exercise, good diet, and meditation. We have the knowledge, we have the tools but most people still don't do it. Why? Our bodies are traumatized. Most of us are overworked chasing the invisible carrot of capitalism. Overpopulation increases anxiety in any system. Self discipline is lacking. Most of us are daily self medicating from a toxic lifestyle with sugar, drugs & other addictions.
Therefore, in times of crisis, we need intense measures. We need someone to tell us to do what will actually be good for our mind, body, and spirit. The governments are telling us to stay home, to reduce the spread of the virus. That is important, but it's only fixing the symptoms. For a more drastic, long term change in the deeper systemic problem of poor health and disconnection from our bodies and from each other, we need inspiring leaders that move us. Such a leader must be someone we WANT to obey... A loving Mistress or Master may be the most effective choice to actually get results. So I invite Dominants worldwide to join this movement: Keep Calm & Kink On. Let's put our bossiness, confidence and power towards something bigger than ourselves. We can be kinky AND caring at the same time. Being cruel to be kind has never been more important.
So, let all of us - Dominants, submissives and switches- take this time of self-isolation and step into our health routine. Even though no health advice will suit all of us, some basic principles will help most. Putting some effort into our health is better than nothing. Since a vaccine might take up to 18 months, what we do TODAY will affect our health and could mean we don’t get sick before then! So, let’s drop the excuses and START these 7 Habits TODAY!
1. Put Down that Doughnut, Time to Eat Healthy!
Did you know that in 2019, there were approximately 463 million people with diabetes (9.3% of the global adult population). Compare that to the 108 million (4.7%) in 1980. Rates are rising; slowly, but surely. In 2016, there were about 1.6 million deaths directly from diabetes. Another 2.2 million deaths were attributable to high blood sugar in 2012. At the time of writing (April 7, 2020) the total number of deaths by COVID 19 (since Jan 21, 2020) was about 70,000 deaths. Yes, the rise of cases and deaths for the Corona virus can become exponential, so people are panicking. The speed of infection is what causes this panic. Diseases related to sugar consumption and poor diet are killing WAY more people in the world, but because the rate of increase is slow, we don’t see it as an urgent matter. Eating a doughnut today will not kill you. Eating doughnuts and other nutrient poor foods, combined with a sedentary lifestyle, and stress and we have the current cocktail for health disaster. We are all shortsighted when it comes to slow improvements. But for the most part, health maintenance is a daily chore. It's what you do 80% of the time that will make a difference.
Kink ON! There are multitudes of diets in the world, if what you are doing works, keep it. If not, Mistress directs you to follow intermittent fasting, as it's fairly easy to follow and has added brain focus and cell regeneration benefits. This is what I do. I'm not a nutritionist, I'm a domina. Just do what you're told and follow three simple rules:
- Quit sugar for 6 months, then slowly reintegrate it in tiny doses.
- Drink 1 teaspoon of apple cider vinegar with warm water first thing in the morning as a tonic for reducing blood sugar level and help boost weightloss.
- Fast between 12 and 16 hours per 24h period. Get your full guide from Thomas DeLauer:
2. Take it easy on the BOOZE!
Of course it's easy to drink more while at home in isolation. Not having the usual work and social schedule, we look for some pleasure and relaxation in booze. I'm guilty too! Especially when my slave makes such great G&T's! But it's all empty calories and terrible for the liver. We all know this. But discipline is tricky so...
Kink ON! As your Mistress, I limit your alcohol intake to a maximum of 1 drink per day. Less is best.
If you are overweight, then half that amount or quit booze altogether. Be aware that quitting cold turkey can actually have side effects, so educate yourself before doing a drastic change.
3. Put that butt OUT! Not your butt, silly, that cigarette butt.
Covid-19 attacks your lungs. Smoking attacks your lungs. Imagine the two together… Stop Smoking! Any questions?
Kink ON! Mistress instructs you to quit smoking, as quickly as possible. I doubt you will be able to self-dominate on this one. Addiction is a bitch. If you have no self discipline to quit smoking through normal means, sign up to be coached by a Dominant. We will guide you out of this and other nasty habits. Read until the end to find out how.
4. Get up and MOVE it (your body)! Daily exercise routine.
The human body is not made to sit in front of the computer, TV or mobile phone all day. So in this time of quarantine, make a promise to move your body for AT LEAST 30 minutes per day. What exercise you do will depend on your fitness level. Thankfully, if you have internet access, YouTube has 1000's of exercise videos. Pick an exercise that resonates with you and DO IT EVERY DAY. We all will make mistakes and end up having days off. So aim for 7 days a week, then you’ll probably end up doing 4-5 days a week. Whatever you do, DO IT RELIGIOUSLY.
Kink ON! If we're going to exercise, why not get horny at the same time? To inspire my submissives to exercise more, I created sexy & kinky versions of the classic Five Tibetan Rites of Eternal Youth. But you can imagine that I (or your favourite dominant) is working out with you and urging you along.
The Five Tibetans, Beginners Fetish Version
The Five Tibetans, Full Version (21 Repetitions)
Note: I wear lingerie & fetish clothes to spice it up. So my videos are rated 18+/ NSFW.
Or, if you want more accountability in your workout routine, book an online personal training package with Mistress Natalie. She will whip you into shape (in more ways than one!)
No more excuses! Let’s get fit, sweaty and breathless together!
5. Go to the “Naughty” Corner: Meditation Training
For over 10 years, the beneficial effects of meditation have been proven in psychology studies. It doesn’t matter if you’re “not doing it right”. It doesn’t matter if you sit and just think about all the stressful things for 5 minutes. Trust the process. It will get easier with practice and time. So swap 5-15 minutes of social media, Netflix or gaming to go within and slow down.
Basic steps in most meditation styles:
-Commit to a specific amount of time. Be easy on yourself so you feel you are improving… Start with meditating for 5 minutes, and increase that time as you feel ready for it.
-Still your body. Sit down comfortably. No need to get into a pretzel cross-legged yoga pose. You can sit on a chair with your feet flat on the ground and straight spine. Sitting is better than lying down, so you don’t fall asleep during the meditation.
-Focus on your breath. Just feel your breath going in and out. Count to 3 in the inhale and then count to 4 in the exhale.
-Observe your thoughts without engaging with them. If you get taken for a ride on that train of thought, don’t stress. Simply get back to the breath focus. Thoughts are not the enemy. If you get lost in thought, don't punish yourself… that's my job.
I find guided meditations easier to follow as a beginner. Once you feel you can practice without guidance, you can simply use your phone to time yourself.
Meditation apps:
Kink ON! Mistress is now sending you to the "naughty" corner. Just sit for 5-10 minutes and watch your thoughts. Count how many times you jump on that mind train, and that will be the number of spanks you deserve...
6. SHAKE it OFF: Using TRE to Clear Trauma & Release Stress
Many of us are frozen by fear due to negative past experiences or current world events. Studies also show that we can inherit trauma patterns from our ancestors. So even if nothing “bad” happened to us directly, we may still have inherited symptoms of anxiety, stress and other negative emotional patterns. How to clear all that baggage so we can start operating from a clear slate? One specific form of exercise is making waves in the treatment of PTSD in the armed forces and in the general population: Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) or Therapeutic Tremouring, created by Dr. David Berceli. After animals go into the stressful fight-flight-freeze response, they usually “shake it off” with neurogenic, automatically induced tremours. Humans' logical brains can override that natural response, so we can keep collecting stress after stress leading to an overwhelmed system. TRE is a simple yet effective tool using our bodies’ natural stress release valve. If, like me, you love to understand the science behind things, you can do your own research. But don’t let research get in the way of experimenting! Try it for yourself and feel the relief in your own body. Give the intelligence of your body a chance to shine. Less conversation, more action.
For Beginners & people under severe trauma or stress: Official Instructions from Dr. David Berceli
Once you can guide yourself a bit more, try the Intermediate Version by Marnie Bounds
If you are suffering from extreme levels of trauma, tension and mental health issues, I recommend you have a few sessions with a certified practitioner. But as we are in isolation, following the videos is better than nothing. Doing a little bit, slowly and at your own pace is good practice whenever you are starting any new physical practice. Try your best and be kind to yourself. Trauma is obviously a multi-layered problem, so I am not advocating one practice will “fix all your problems.” This is only one piece of the puzzle. If you're curious, enjoy this isolation time to research other ways to heal your trauma.
Kink ON! Anti-Trauma "Bootcamp"
If you imagine these intense physical exercises were "enforced" by your chosen dominant will give you more motivation to STICK UNTIL THE END and get the benefits. With TRE the body shake comes from fatiguing the muscles, so of course it will be strenuous and challenging. By the way, that's also why intense BDSM activities (like spanking, other forms of impact play and bondage) can also result in therapeutic cathartic experiences. So close your eyes and think of Mistress. It will help you get through it.
7. Touch Yourself! Connecting Body, Soul and Sex
Before we can connect and play with others, we must start looking inwards. Not in a kinky nurse medical examination way, you perverts! But inwards, as in self-intimacy. Many of us are blocked, armoured, or overprotective around sexual issues because of trauma, cultural conditioning, and lack of positive sexuality role models. Thankfully, the world is teeming with a variety of tantra, kink & bodywork practices that help clear the shame, open up sexual energy and enhance our capacity for pleasure. Furthermore, when we are more open, we can also expand into altered states of consciousness. But as we are in isolation, we can start this process by adjusting our sexual practices into being more present in the moment, rather than goal oriented. I always recommend my clients to follow non-ejaculation practice. WHHHHHAAAT??? No Cumming? Not exactly. With Tantra, you will most certainly have orgasms, but these are totally on a different scale to the status quo "peak orgasm."
Most of us practice sex and masturbation with a goal in mind: to orgasm, to have pleasure, to relax, to fall asleep, to please their partner, and hopefully, to connect with yourself and your partner (s). The key difference with Tantra is that it invites you to include ALL parts of your identity. So rather than suppressing ourselves to have sexual experiences, to please our partner, to perform, to achieve a certain outcome, Tantra asks you to just BE and feel. And the best way to start is by connecting to yourself.
Treat your masturbation practice as if you're going on a date with yourself. Set the scene, choose some sensual music, and start by breathing and relaxing your thoughts. Most of us tend to fantasize or watch porn to activate our horniness. But sexual arousal is a body reaction. We can use the mind to activate the body, but it's a lot better to touch the body to activate it. Start by touching your BODY - don't jump straight to your groin. Would you grab a lover’s crotch as soon as you meet for a date? Hopefully NOT! So offer your own body the same respect and build intimacy slowly. Relax your muscles, stretch, dance, do what you need to get out of the mind and into the body. Then touch your arms, your belly, your legs, your face. Give yourself about 5-10 minutes to touch and massage your own body. Feel the texture, notice how it reacts to your touch. Then, and only then, start playing with your genitals.
If you want to explore Tantra, avoid using strong vibrators or other masturbators. The intense electrical stimulation is fun in the short term, but it will desensitize your pleasure zones into a vicious cycle of needing more and more stimulation to achieve orgasm. The way vibrators have become ever more intense in the last 20 years is a symptom of our addiction. Instead, give yourself a break from the vibrator. Do it as an experiment! Start with a week, and see the difference it makes on your pleasure sensitivity. Yes, it may be boring in the beginning. But if you had a lover who needed to do things slowly, wouldn’t you put up with the boredom in order to show them kindness?
You can show yourself that same compassion. Slow down, be patient, and observe how your body reacts. See it as a sensual mindfulness meditation. Feel yourself, observe what thoughts and emotions come up during the play. As many of us have blocked trauma and shame around sexuality, don't be surprised if strong feelings emerge during the play. Again, show compassion to yourself and let the body express what it needs to. Start learning your body's language. In time, it will show you what really turns you on and what your needs are. Being intimate and connected with oneself makes it so much easier to connect with others. When you know your body’s language, you will know what you want and need, and as you take the time and self-compassion to look after yourself, you will also be better equipped to communicate that to potential partners. If you can look after your own body's needs for pleasure, it reduces potential co-dependency on partners. Learn to love yourself- that's step 1 in connection. So during this time of self isolation, why not take the opportunity and begin practicing self love by expanding how you play with yourself?
Kink on! Tantric Chastity Play: I always tell my subs to abstain from ejaculation for 10 days before the session. They can still masturbate, just avoid the peak orgasm. That abstinence builds up the sexual energy, so that their enjoyment of the session is much stronger. Apply that same principle with yourself. Hold off on ejaculation and vibrator play for some time (7-14-21 days) and plan a big play date with yourself. What would you love your dominant to do for you? Use your imagination. How can you offer yourself the same type of stimulation you wish another would do to you?
Humans are amazing creatures. We can get through the Covid-19 challenge as a community and as individuals. Building strength, compassion, and discipline towards ourselves will help us survive and also improve our quality of life in the future. We would want our Dominants to look after us, right? Become your own Dominant by giving yourself what you wish they would give you. You already have all the tools you need. USE THEM!
Oh, and wash your damn hands! 😄
Kinky Blessings, Mistress Kalyss Mercury
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Dominant kink coaches are also available for online training.
Australia, Scadinavia & Europe: Kalyss Mercury, Tantric Domina & KinkTuition Coach
United States, New York City: Mistress Natalie - KinkyCoaching™️
Netherlands & Europe: Ms. Stella - Kinkalicious.nl
Sydney, Australia: Mistress Anna - Kink Fitness & Kink Yoga
To help with your commitment to yourself, join our private FB group where we can share our progress, post questions and connect with others who are taking this time to look after themselves. I invite other dominants to join and keep the strict element alive. This is a private (but not hidden) group. Please be discrete and don't share names and details of what others post.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/keepcalmkink/