Surfing the Waves of Kink Flow
Even though I have years of experience in this field, I feel intimidated in trying to explain this concept. Still, I am facing my fears, as it doesn't serve anyone to keep this knowledge in the closet...
Why should I fear expressing this? Tantra is a huge topic, with many styles, separate practices & interpretations.
Domination/ BDSM/ kink is also quite a wide topic, and despite its current spike in popularity, it is still quite taboo for mainstream society. Furthermore, both Tantra and BDSM are embodied, experiential practices. I can describe in minute detail what a spanking feels like, but it will never come close to the actual physical and emotional experience. With Tantra, this is even more so, because there are extra layers; ego patterns, attachment styles, your Kundalini energy, romantic projections, cultural programming... Your mind, your emotions, your spirit, all of your identity, even the subconscious parts, get involved when you start dabbling in Tantra. As you read this, bear in mind that any written explanation will pale in comparison to the actual experience of Tantric Domination.
Firstly, BDSM is a game of challenges, of testing our limits, and exploring our dark fantasies. Humiliation, masochism, gender-bending, polarity and power exchange are all external manifestations of our inner shadow: that part of us which we tend to hide from the world. Many of us are still oblivious or resistant to facing this dark side, but for those who are brave to explore their own psychological depths, kink offers amazing opportunities for transformation. Kinky play can be intense, and often involves a considerable exchange of energy between the players. “Magic” is often defined as the application of intention to intense energy exchange. Some branches of Tantra play with the concept of sex magic as a means for psycho-spiritual development. As a science and psychology enthusiast, I don't like the word “magic”. But I do recognise the power of focused intention and commitment. The human body & brain are capable of so much that we cannot yet explain. In fact, "miracles" of science are often outcomes of focused intention, deep study, and dedicated effort, with trust in the hypothesis and an open mind to the results.
A similar process happens with tantric domination. Except, in this case, we use more of the body's intellect, starting with deeper breathing. Even without being an expert meditator or yoga buff, the simple use of breath and dynamic sound can take us deeper into presence, into quieting our minds and feeling more into our bodies. The more we feel, the more we open the gates of subconscious competence- the intuition- the emotional part of our brains which is much more powerful than logical thinking. The more we feel our bodies, the more we become open to “flow”. According to Sagarin & his colleagues, “flow is a highly pleasurable and satisfying mental state involving intense absorption and optimal performance on an activity such as sports or music” (2015). Some of you might recognise the idea of flow. It's a feeling of effortless competence. Like a jazz band jamming in perfect groove, surfing the perfect wave, tango dancers in spotless unison, and athletes in "the zone". But what is "perfect" anyway? Isn't it a matter of feeling? Of a moment of "just right"?
If you managed to get your head and heart around that concept, that feeling, now imagine being in pure flow within a domination scenario. You've done that already- in your fantasies, your horny daydreams, where everything happens exactly in tune with what turns you on. “But in real life, fetish play is never quite as intense, alive, or ... perfect, right?” Wrong. Research shows that consensual BDSM play can promote altered states of consciousness (Ambler et al., 2017). Using focused attention and an opening our bodies to our intuitive nature, flow becomes a lot easier. And in the case of Tantric BDSM, these altered states can outshine our fantasies beyond expectation, because our rational minds alone will never be as creative as the subconscious part of our brains. Are you salivating at the thought of that? "But Mistress, how can that be possible? How can you do this?!"
My 20+ years of experience in BDSM, fetish and alternative forms of sexuality have primed me to recognise and navigate the waves of Kink Flow. My mind has played the dance of consensual inequality for thousands of hours, with a multitude of faces and bodies. My body is imprinted with kink technique; the toys are almost an extension of my hands. My heart and spirit have also been through the barrels of Kink Flow and emotional release, making me keenly aware of how you might feel through the experience. With this subconscious competence, I can graciously surf with you in session, and also inspire, support and mentor you through your insight integration period in between sessions as you dive deeper in your Kink Exploration Journey.
At the same time, this process is not about me. I am not some extraterrestrial goddess who'll perform some magic on you. I'm in the wave of flow as much as you are. I don't "do" anything special. I just breathe and surrender to my subconscious flow. Ironic, huh? You'll surrender to me, while I surrender to Flow, the ultimate Domina. This is what we call surrendered leadership (I will share more about it in another article). Rather than a strict rehearsed scenario, I use a rough outline of the activities we will explore. The outline is defined by the overlap between your kinks and my kinks. When we meet, I open and feel my body and what it desires to do to you. I feel your body and how it responds. My intuition will catch the waves that feel most serving in the present moment.
“Yes, Mistress, I understand all that.
But what can I expect from a Tantric domination session?”
I know you want details… Yet, each session is unique. Some prefer to play in the kink tide, enjoying their fetishes without going too deep. Others thrive on the thrill of confronting their shadows, reveling in the emotional release and emerging transformed by the wipeout waves of Kink Flow. Each side of the scale is equally beautiful and honorable. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness: you don’t have to jump in the deep end just to please me.
Remember: I do not control Flow, I can only guide you through this mysterious journey. What happens depends on how open you want to be and how deep into the swell of your kinky subconscious you are ready to go…
So, do you dare to take the plunge into your dark side?
References:
Ambler, J. K., Lee, E. M., Klement, K. R., Loewald, T., Comber, E. M., Hanson, S. A., ... & Sagarin, B. J. (2017). Consensual BDSM facilitates role-specific altered states of consciousness: A preliminary study. Psychology of Consciousness: Theory, Research, and Practice, 4(1), 75.
Sagarin, B. J., Lee, E. M., & Klement, K. R. (2015). Sadomasochism without sex? Exploring the parallels between BDSM and extreme rituals. Journal of Positive Sexuality, 1, 32-36.
Testimonials
“Thank you, Mistress Mercury, for changing my life! I was lost. I was engaging in increasingly risky behaviour trying to satisfy desires I didn’t understand. I sent money to dodgy online ‘mistresses’. I paid a sex worker to live out a humiliation fantasy. But nothing could fill that hole. I found Mistress’s website and I felt she was the real deal, but I had no idea how much she would change my life. It wasn’t just the sessions, although the sessions were mindblowing. Mistress gave me books to read, podcasts and YouTube clips to listen to/watch. She opened my mind to the world of Tantra. I won’t say that all the work is done and everything is perfect, because life isn’t like that. But Mistress set me on a new path. I have a better understanding of myself as a man, I have a much more connected relationship with my wife (with much more loving sex!), and I have a more healthy balance of kink in my life. Mistress Mercury taught me how to be a more engaged husband, a more open lover, a better man. ”
— KD, BRISBANE
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“I have had the honour of serving Mistress Mercury a number of times and each one has been a rapturous experience. She is unrivaled in Her skill and takes great joy in Her craft. Yet there is a deeper level of conscious kink that She can take you to with the art of Tantra.
In a Tantric session you will still experience all the joys that Mistress can grant. However if you open yourself to all of yourself (to the ignored emotions of your life; the parts that your daily life does not value but are so vital for your happiness and balance), then with Mistress’s help She can use the flow and energy of the moment to draw them out and nurture them. To help you see what is being ignored and to help you build the tools you will need to let them grow naturally.
For me this was my feminine side, the part of me I had ignored due to society’s emphasis on being a strong macho male. This part that said: “take a moment for yourself, you matter and need time. Do not worry about what others say, just breath deep and do something for yourself and only yourself. Be vulnerable and exposed for you are safe here with Her”.
That is what I would say is the greatest difference between a normal session and a Tantric one. After your service is done in a normal session and you leave Mistress’s chambers your life will be the same. You may have marks and memories of it but nothing lasting has been imparted.
With Tantra, if you allow it, it can be more than that. I have used the lessons given to me by Her (and others practitioners She introduced to me) to deal with stress in a very real way. It won’t be for everyone, but it can be for anyone. It can make Kink mean more and lead to more if you allow yourself to open to it.”
— GENTLEMANSLAVE LHT, LONDON